To Me of the Past:

                                                                                                      1/30/12

Dear Sara,

I really do miss you. It’s quite odd to be penning a letter to my past self, but I can’t shake the feeling that you were my true self, and deviation from the truth has always bothered me. I just spent 5 minutes blow-drying my hair, fantasizing about chopping it all off. I can’t stop seeing it as a symbol of this persona, this false image of materialism, consumerism and conformity. I promise, when I make a much needed change it my life, it will be gone.  All my shallow co-workers chime, “Don’t cut it!” “You’ll miss it” “Guys love long hair.” I will, I won’t and I don’t care.

I’m writing because I want you back. You knew what you wanted, you were idealistic and motivated, you were secure with yourself. I want those things back so badly. My life now is lacking the substance it once had. I shop and pick outfits and think only expensive things are good. Today I looked at my Google search history and almost cried. It went from wanting to know about ideas and research and people to a search for things and trends. It went from having meaning, to not.

Maybe I feel this way because I haven’t seen my students for a week, or maybe it’s because ELAC hasn’t begun a new semester yet. Whatever the reason, I’m trying hard not to forget the person I am, deep down inside. I never want to forget that all I really want, is a life filled with truth.